yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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