I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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