so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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