p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
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