woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
