I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
