I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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