To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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