can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
