She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
