I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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