Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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