there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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