is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
