ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
