im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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