I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
