The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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