just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
