and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
