Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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