I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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