Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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