HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
