remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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