If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
