I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
