I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Too much gin, very little bucket
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
