dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I smell stomach acid.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
