I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
