ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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