Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
