at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
