Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
