I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
