Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
