just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
