i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Farmville is her only friend.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
