Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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