dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
