My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
