Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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