Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
