She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
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