I think my fart just growled at me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
