Don't EVER smell your tampon
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
