don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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