I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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