there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
