Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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